Aaaaaaaaahahahahaha

Sorry if this upsets anyone, but I'm not the biggest fan of Michael Phelps. The guy's uber-talented and all, but my cousin trained with him at the University of Michigan and said he was an complete jerk to -- well -- everyone.

So I had a pretty good chuckle when I stumbled upon news of the Milwaukee Admirals' "Don't Be Like Mike" Night.

How are these for promotional ideas?

• All fans who are graduates of a DARE program (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) can get into the game for just $2 by bringing their DARE graduation certificate to the Admirals' office or the Bradley Center box office.

• Anyone with the name Michael, Phelps, Mary Jane, Cheech, Chong, Weed (Wied) or anyone who has won an Olympic Gold Medal can also get their ticket for only $2.

• The team is giving away a weed wacker from National Ace Hardware, signed by the Admirals.

• If the team scores with 4:20 -- a number that's synonymous with pot culture -- on the clock in any period, one fan will win a season ticket for the following season.

• The team is providing a document shredder outside of section 225 for fans to destroy their own incriminating, Phelps-like photos.